I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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