I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
