This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
