Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
