I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
