mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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