Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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