Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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