Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
