are you still at the devil's house?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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