Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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