I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
How's work?
Spinning.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
