You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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