I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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