Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
