dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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