do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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