Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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