I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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