I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We are all done wearing pants today
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
