Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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