pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
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I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
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These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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