Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
how does that bad decision feel?
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