I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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