I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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