Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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