It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
