I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
