Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
