so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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