How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
