did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
