She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
