Non-Jews are for practice
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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