who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
