I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
