We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
