im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
