You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
