he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
