lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
