I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
