so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
