It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
