The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
