my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize