It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
