I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
