im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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