Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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