Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
