I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
