i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dating After Heartbreak
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions