Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?