Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Remember that time you hooked up with him?

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  (908): Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit? (617) Remember that time you hooked up with him? http://tfl.nu/yz0c
  Replies (7) Good night (705) Bad night (1401)
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  (949): View more from California

  Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.

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  (949): Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off. http://tfl.nu/n7xz
  Replies (18) Good night (662) Bad night (4751)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.

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  (256): As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right. http://tfl.nu/ax5o
  Replies (6) Good night (4907) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment

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  (207): you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment http://tfl.nu/wssq
  Replies (82) Good night (1219) Bad night (5501)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't

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  (925): I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't http://tfl.nu/i8hu
  Replies (29) Good night (6082) Bad night (1225)
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.

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  (786): You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager. http://tfl.nu/4g1t
  Replies (3) Good night (2869) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms

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  (503): And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms http://tfl.nu/1av4
  Replies (7) Good night (2400) Bad night (777)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table

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  (206): I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table http://tfl.nu/jkfk
  Replies (5) Good night (2433) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.

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  (417): What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now. http://tfl.nu/j4tm
  Replies (9) Good night (659) Bad night (1314)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.

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  (512): While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before. http://tfl.nu/erll
  Replies (7) Good night (1935) Bad night (545)
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  (958): View more from

  her vagina just converted me to Judaism.

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  (958): her vagina just converted me to Judaism. http://tfl.nu/z5ti
  Replies (5) Good night (1238) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.

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  (763): The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/um2t
  Replies (2) Good night (661) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month

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  (352): Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month http://tfl.nu/4t8s
  Replies (6) Good night (593) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.

  (682): View more from Texas

  Only you could get away with that.

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  (940): I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win. (682): Only you could get away with that. http://tfl.nu/0z6o
  Replies (4) Good night (700) Bad night (297)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse

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  (914): The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse http://tfl.nu/jfot
  Replies (5) Good night (712) Bad night (297)

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