Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist