Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.