Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
