We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
