watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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