her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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