Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
