I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
