We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
