As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have already put on my inside pants.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
