You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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