it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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