I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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