well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
