just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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