im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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