New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
