Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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