also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
