i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
