I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
