he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
